Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Return of Phoebe

I truly thought she was gone for good.  Served her purpose, moved on, or integrated with me, myself and I.

Phoebe is one of my guides.  She's the "oldest", having been with me since I was a very young child.  She came to help with sadness and she did a really great job holding onto that so I could be a "real" little girl and do little girl things.  She carried it all for me and helped me cry it all out when the hurts were too much.  She's the reason I am so strong, because she always held me up. 

Through my sometimes painful childhood.  Through the emotional devastation of my first marriage and divorce.  Through the mind-blowing pain of a second failed marriage and divorce.  I couldn't have carried on a normal life while handling all that without Phoebe.

But then I realized she had gone way overboard in order to keep me from being sad any more.  She wouldn't let me get too happy....always pointing out something negative about every situation. 

And so I banished her.  And she came back with a vengeance.  So then I had a nice long talk with her.  Thanked her for everything she's ever done for me.  And humbly asked her to take a back seat so I could drive for awhile.  And she did, like a good friend would.

But I think she snuck up on me again.  :(  I love her, but I wish she would get off my cloud for good.   Haha, clouds, again!

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