Signs, Signs, Everywhere are Signs

But these are good ones......

A good friend once told me "follow the signs in life..they are there to guide you to your destiny".  Sounds magical, right?  It can be, but it is so difficult to remember this and sometimes to interpret the signs you are given, and then to accept the interpretations.

How do you know you are on the right path?  The Universe told me in one of my daily emails that anger, bitterness and disappointment are gifts because they let you know you are on the wrong path. 

The last time I made a huge life-decision, the signs were everywhere and very clear.  Three little birds on a wire appeared one day, right after I changed my phone's ringtone to "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley (don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing's gonna be all right).  Filled up my car with gas the same time and the pump stopped at $50.50 (balance!!); got back in the car and the song on the radio was "Signs".  I knew without a doubt I had made the right decision and was on the right path.

But, I am at the crossroads again and struggling.

My signs lately come from the song titles playing on the satellite radio in my car, mostly because that is where I do my most urgent thinking to reconcile the day's events (or lack thereof).  The last time my "boyfriend" and I had an argument, these were the songs that played one after the other on my drive home.

      "You Wreck Me" by Tom Petty
      "Think I'm in Love" by Eddie Money
      "Turn the Page" by Bob Seger
      "Invisible Sun" by the Police
      "Logical Song" by Supertramp
      "I'll Fall in Love Again" by Sammy Hagar

Confusing, really, and somewhat conflicting signals.

Then the next day as I was driving around running errands and my head was spinning still from the argument and the frustration over not being able to express to him what I have been feeling, these songs played one after the other.

    "Heaven Knows" by Robert Plant
    "When It's Love"  by Van Halen (as I looked up during this song, there were two birds on a telephone wire)
    "Afterlife" by Boojoo Bajou
    "Inside Out" by Eve 6
    "Barracuda"  by Heart
    "Surround Me with Your Love" by 3-11 Porter
    "It's Over Now" by Luther Van Dross
   "Heard it Through the Grapevine" by CCR
   "One" by U2
    "Still Loving You" by the Scorpions

What the heck?  I still don't know, but they seem to have some significance.

Always watching for signs....................don't know where they will take me, but I'm ready to go!  Wish there was one in front of me that said "THIS WAY!"
    

Sunday Devotional

So, this was my "church" yesterday.  My hour of worship.  Yes, my garden is still mostly brown or non-existent, but it was still fabulous.

I closed my eyes and listened to all the birds, my windchimes, and the hum of the busy bees collecting pollen from the tiny flowers on my rosemary bush.

And I was grateful.

A Day at the Beach

Why is a day at the beach so good for you?  I mean, if you break it down, there's the whole skin-cancer worry, the seagulls are actually quite raucous, the breeze can be annoying, and the sand gets into everything.

I've given up my lounge chair.  It's too much to carry.  Besides, lying on a blanket ON the sand feels like the Earth is cradling you in the palm of its hand.  The warm sun kisses your skin and your soul, and the breeze blows away the chaff from your spirit.  The sound of the waves, calm or not, is the best soundtrack I know for either thinking deep thoughts or reaching the nirvana (for my rattle-trap brain) of pure, unadulterated, and complete non-thinking. 

Today was just such a day.  my son and I both fell asleep on the blanket for a few short, quiet, blissful minutes. 

I LOVE the beach...........................

Anger....and open-heart surgery

So, today as I was taking my lunch-time walk, I was seething with anger over the way my "boyfriend" has treated me.  Seething.....could feel the rage building up inside.  Have been struggling with this for a really long time, I think.  It grows and grows because I cannot process it.  I only push it aside, thereby feeding it.

I imagined opening my chest with my hands and poking a hole in my heart to let the hatred and anger out.   And I could actually feel a release.....it lasted until my very next thought of "how dare he".  LOL.

But, it worked for awhile.  And so I will continue to visualize the anger pouring out of me, staining the ground around me, soaking into the core of the Earth where it will be absorbed into the fire, and, therefore, gone forever.

Who I am....

Well, if I knew the answer to that, everything else would be easy, right? 

I think I reinvent at least a part of who I am almost every day, and I'm thankful I have the freedom to do that.  Not changing to suit anyone else, just doing it for me.  Nice to know I can change my hair or my wardrobe to suit my mood or who I WANT to be today.  Tomorrow is another story.

Finding myself at a major crossroads at this stage in my life is terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.  There are so many possibilities when it comes to what's next....maybe that's why I am still stuck.  I can't really say I've made the wrong choices in the past.  They are what lead me to where I am now.  But I would really like to take the next step with some certainty that I can avoid the unbelievable amount of emotional torment I've experienced previously.

Then again, I'll probably do what I've always done:  close my eyes and jump!